Regel je Shit

Regel je Shit!! The literal translation is " Manage your Shit"

This is not the ideal way to begin a blog post, I know.

But I think you will love it at the end. 

I mean, the title.

😀

A few days back, there were two identical letters from the local municipality in our letterbox. One was addressed to me, the other to A-junior.

My letter said something like this, 'Dear mother of A-junior, your son is going to become 18 soon so he needs to take care of some things himself from now on"

A-juniors letter said, ' Dear A-junior, you are going to become 18 soon, you need to take care of some things yourself from now on..."

...and with the letter, there was this leaflet (picture below) which said,

Regel je Shit!! [Translated: Manage your Shit!!]

Inside the leaflet, there was a list of things for his information, now that he will become 18 soon. Things like income tax, study loans, housing, health insurance,......he is  literally being asked to be aware of these things from now on because these are HIS shit!.. 

Regel je Shit!!

I was impressed. 

....this is how you are expected and made to "grow up" in this part of the world.

I was also smiling when I read the letter...only the Dutch can be so blunt and direct in saying this...in this way.  Hats off!

Such an important message of life at the threshold of adulthood. Responsibility needs to be weaved into life from early days!! - a very important step in the development of a person's character.

You are almost an adult now, so regel je shit!

Haha, Loved it!!

 I have not grown up in this way. Situation, times, culture etc was different. But I have started appreciating this so much as my son grows up. 

Make your kids work for money as they grow up......let them know what 'earning' means.

Here, kids start doing part-time jobs from the age of 14-15. A-junior started with magazine-newspaper delivery when he was 14, moved on to Pizza delivery at 16, currently working in a supermarket chain loading and arranging shelves.

This gives them their pocket money but more importantly, builds up their personality in so many different ways.

I can proudly say his atitude towards money and few other things changed totally.

There is pride (it is HIS money). 

There is responsibility (he CHOOSES how to spend it or not to).

There is planning (he PRIORITIZES his 'needs').

There is empathy (he SUPPORTS 'Cheerful child foundation' with HIS money. Of course I suggested him to do so, but still.....).

There is the intention of changing jobs (continuously looking for BETTER opportunities)

....and and and of course there is grumbling and moaning about the boss as well, before he leaves for his job. (haha, welcome to the club😀😀)

- a fantastic overall development package. 

I wish I had started working at 15.😀

Speaking of parenting, growing up, memories, etc.....Today I feel like sharing "Neem-Begun".  Dont worry, I will not share the "recipe".

😋

It was never my favourite when I was young. I ate it only because of "the eyes". 

One look and everything on the plate used to vanish down my oesophagus, ignoring the tortured screams of the taste buds.

Now I love it!! (you can call it age, wisdom, ...whatever....)

This plant was a gift from AS during the early days of Covid. 

A-senior smiled and asked, "Holland a Neem gach?" [a Neem plant in Holland?].

The plant grew at its own pace, one tiny leaf unfurling at a time, under constant critical monitoring by A- senior. His work-from-home-chair was nearest to the plant, so he was able to notice every micron of the plant's growth. 

Inspite of its visible increase in size, everytime AS visited us, his question would be...."ki gach dili, ektuo barche na!" (what a plant, it is not growing at all)😝

Few days ago, we took out some of the leaves, fried them with eggplant and ate a plateful of rice.

Brought back zillions of memories.......childhood, 'the eyes', A-senior,........

Part of life as I take one step forward every day.😍

 Universal applicability of the words "Regel je shit", but still A Gift of Life.

Angels 😍

We have angels around us. 

There are so many of them ......

Be thankful.

Feel blessed.💖

The Boy, the mole, the fox and the Horse-Charlie Mackesy

Life has not stopped (thankfully). 

Every day is a journey anyway. ....on the road...for all of us.

....Can be a German highway (wide and smooth with no speed limits),  or a Swiss mountain road (sharp corners and steep slopes), or the  Dutch road by the canal (simple, green and beautiful) or the daily road to the supermarket  (uneventful with 3 traffic lights) .........

...can be anything.

😊

Today's post is not about the road itself but more about the people on the road. 

Our co-travellers.

...the Angels around us. There are so many.

I cannot list them all. You know who you are.

You all have helped me to stand up again and face life with a smile.😀

I have always liked the festive winter season in The Netherlands. 

I loved the decorated shops, my jackets, the shawls, the boots, the lights, the smell of cinnamon, the warm coffee,  the leave application, the planning for the vacation, the artificial Christmas tree, the gifts.....the occasional snow....everything.

Everything about this season is about happiness...the gift of Life.

This year is different for me and it is extremely difficult to be in a happy mood, like usual.

So I did not have any interest to put up the Christmas tree (which was A-senior's job anyway).

Yesterday I went for my usual walk in the evening. When I returned, the house was dark.

I knew A-junior was at home, upstairs, gaming. 

I entered the house and while opening my jacket shouted (almost),"A, why is the house dark? you know I don't like it like this! Why didn't you switch on the lights?"

No answer. 

With a grumpy face, I opened the door to my living room.

Surprise!

The Christmas tree dazzled at the corner ..... the tree lights were bright.....the room full of some kind of warm energy....a presence I cannot define.

Footsteps on the stairs. 

A-junior came down and hugged me with a smile on his face .

" Tomake surprise dilam Ma" [I wanted to surprise you, Mom].

Tears of happiness. 

Reassurance of love. 

Moments to treasure.

Angels.😍

.....and then the doorbell rang. 

My friend was standing there with lights in her hands.

She said, "We thought we would sneak into your garden and light up the tree!!".

I stood there speechless. 

Overwhelmed with gratitude.

With that, the tree got a light, I got a blessing.

Hugs from the depth of my heart!

Angels 😍

I strongly believe I have angels around me. 

Each one of you.😍

You all have stood beside us in different ways at different times of this very difficult year with love, care, strength, faith, and hope.

A book 

A bowl of comfort food

A massage to ease my neck

A Lasagna dinner before A-junior's exams to make him smile.

A long phone call to just let me pour it out.

A walk with me 

A glass of wine

A surprise drive to see the cherry blossoms and tulips

A symbol of strength from your culture

A Zoom call.

A Whatsapp ping

A yoga lesson

A supporting hand at work

A cake

A drop of tear

A smile

A hug

A story to share 

A ......

A .....

A....

Angels 😍

We have angels around us. 

Blessed with wishes from all of you...for us to be strong, for us to live life, for us to go ahead....

Angels 😍- I am blessed to have you in my life.

The Gift of Life

Life is uncertain, strange, painful.....but still a gift.💕
I do not have enough words to express by feelings as I write this blog today.

....dedicate this to A-senior whilst feeling extremely proud of our A-Junior.

January 2021 changed our lives forever. 

But this is not a post about the grief and pain that came with the change. 

This post is about the joy and pride that I feel (and am sure A-Senior feels wherever he is) when our A-junior crossed a milestone in his life as he graduated from school.

This post is about celebrating everyday, one step at a time even though life seemed to have stopped a few months back....

This post is about our in-built resilience which takes us through the difficult moments....

This post is about those friends and family (read angels) around us who gave us the strength to stand up again....

This post is about the many joyful moments we spent together, cherishing those memories and promising to keep on creating more memories in future......

This post is about love, hope, celebrations .... and still being able to believe in ...

"The Gift of Life"

A-junior finished school .

What a relief !! what a celebration!! what a proud moment for parents, family and friends!!

As usual there were the difficult moments.😀

The mother just refused to understand how someone can learn Maths from Youtube.

A-junior failed to convince the mother why he can still continue to game online a month before exams.

The mother panicked when she saw the bulk of the Physics syllabus that he needs to study.

A-junior woke up at 11:30 am during his preparation month!

The mother freaked out looking at the clock.

A-junior ....

The mother .....

....the list is a long one. 

Fast forward. Results day.

[Here, students are informed personally over phone about their boards results...around 3:00 PM.]

The clock seemed to have stopped at 2:45.

The mother looked at the clock a million times in between her meetings.  A-junior woke up late, made a nice sandwich, ate it and moved around in the room looking totally cool.....this freaked out the mother even more.

"Phone kothay?"  [where is your phone?]

"Phone e charge ache to?" [is your phone charged?]

"ora ki alphabetically call korbe? [will the school call in alphabetic order?]

The phone rang at 3:05

A-junior picked up the phone, listened and said "thank you". The mother heaved a sigh of relief.

The mentor told the mother, "Gefeliciteerd!! Congratulations! he deserves to pass because he had worked so hard amidst such difficult circumstances"

I hugged A-junior with tears in my eyes. 

Tears of pride and happiness...................................A-senior smiled and hugged us too.

I missed him the most at that moment.

Ok, now some action!!!!

This is one custom which I absolutely love in the Netherlands. I have been wanting to do this for a long time but one needed to pass school to do this.

Yes!!!! My wait was finally over. 

Usually a flagpole is used for this purpose. 

Our house does not have one so I went into the garden to look for a strong sturdy stick.  [Ma, please not with a stick]

Then some cellotape.  [Really Ma, you are going to use cellotape?]

Then the school bag.  [that will be too heavy, it cannot hang that way]

Royally ignoring all the italics, I did it! A-junior joined me sheepishly and even helped me out with the cellotape  :-)

Children hang their school bags along with the flag outside their house to announce to the world that they have passed their board exams......done with the old school bag!!!

A perfect custom to respect the hard work of the children and to look forward to the next phase of life.

As the blue "geslaagd" [Passed] flag flutter outside our bedroom window, I derive strength and inspiration from it.

I feel proud of his resilience and hope to see him develop into a fantastic loving human being.

I remember and cherish the bond that he shares with A-Senior.

I feel thankful that I have these two fantastic gentlemen in my life.....forever.💗

'Legacy' Biryani and a book

 I wanted to write about this for a while now....
.....and then a book ("Those Delicious Letters' by Sandeepa, aka Bong Mom)  inspired me to really write it.... 

Food can build relations,. Food can rekindle love. Food can make you immortal.💖💖

Nanda Boudi, this is a tribute to you and Indra-da.
We are blessed to have known you..... 💕

Apart from all the memories that we have with you,  this legacy of yours will keep on flavouring our kitchen, delighting our taste buds and filling our hearts for the years to come.....

The story, if I start from the start will be very long. However, it is very important to explain our relation since the post is titled 'legacy'. 

Indrada became my online friend in 1997-98. (days of no whatsapp, no facebook, no mobile phones)
I was in Japan then. Phd stress, lonely days, new computer, digital era starting up -- I got introduced to a 'Yahoo-groups' group where I started posting stories from Japan. It was a small group of 7-8 Bengalis, different age groups from different parts of the world, all sharing their experiences and making the best of a digital forum ...thereby creating beautiful virtual relationships. 

I addressed the members of the group as 'da' and 'di' as most of us Bengalis are used to doing. At some point of time, the virtual relations became very real and close. 
"Dada", "jethu", "mamu", "pishi", "senapati", "indumoti", "bonT"....simple family 'relations' with a virtual flavour.

(Believe me, I ended up marrying one of them!! Will save that story for later)😀

Indrada, even though he was older than my father,  was more a 'dada' than a 'jethu' ! He was a fantastic storyteller who had roamed the world and hence had his 'jhuli' full of all kinds of interesting stories. We had an instant 'click' and he loved me like his daughter. I really miss your phone calls, Indrada.

When I came to Netherlands and met them for the first time (in Germany), it did not feel even for once that this relationship was graduating from a virtual to a real one. Indrada was exactly the way I had imagined he would be, tall, handsome, smart and fun. Nanda boudi, (who was not yahoo-groups savvy) was beautiful and loving and on the first day welcomed us with "Tomra Biryani khao to? ami tomar dadake bollam aj Biryani banai" (do you like Biryani? )

On a dark winter evening in Frankfurt, while Indrada took us through his collection of carpet stories through the streets of Iran and Turkey, the mouthwatering aroma of Nanda-boudi's Biryani wafted into our nostrils and transported us to the royal kitchens of Awadh and Lucknow......

His storytelling, Her Biryani .....me and A-senior sat with our red wines, mesmerized.

Biryani was served. 
The best Biryani I had in my entire life !! 

This Biryani was unlike any other Biryani I had before.... simply super! 
I must have uttered "Boudi eta shikhiye dio  (please teach me how to make it)" with every spoonful that entered my mouth. She promised she will. However boudi's generation was not into 'recipes', so it was very hard for her to capture it in writing. 

I tasked Indrada to get me the recipe when she makes it the next time. Indrada surrendered after a few attempts saying, "tumi nije likhe nio, kono kichui maap e bole na" [you write it yourself, she can never give exact quantities]😀

" EKTU mouri, TIN-CHARTE lobongo, ANDAJ MOTON dhone... dur baba ei bhabe ki lekha jay?". 

I let him off the hook and agreed with Boudi that when they next come to Holland, she will cook infront of us and we will capture the recipe.

......and so we did. 

On their next visit, both me and A-senior stood beside her to capture it. In our excitement, we forgot all the fancy phones and cameras we have and hastily grabbed a book and scribbled the recipe on the back page.
It is called "NandaBoudi-s Biryani" at our place and the good news is that A-senior has almost mastered it. I can just sit and enjoy...

We  treasure this one page and will hold on to this recipe till our love for biryani lasts.

Thank you Boudi.💖

Like I said before,  a book triggered this post.

"Those Delicious Letters' by Sandeepa (aka Bong Mom) is all about letters and food. The book shares legacy recipes which if not passed on to the next generation may just vanish. The skillfully written story around the recipes also bring back faith in relationships and the impact of food on them. Thanks Sandeepa.

While reading the book, I remembered Nanda Boudi and Indrada, who even though not blood relations, had become family. His stories and Her Biryani has become part of our lives.

I want to share it with you all today.....let the legacy recipe reach your kitchen too.
Good things must be shared.

Nanda Boudi's Biryani

The main thing is the Biryani masala. (Follow the rice making and layering as in other Biryani recipes)

For marination masala( 1 kg mutton):

• Coriander seed : 2-3 tbsp
• Cardamom, Cinnamon, Cloves: 2-3 pieces of each
• Aniseed : 1/2 tbsp
• Mustard seeds < 1/2 tbsp    (this is how it was said and therefore written;-)
• Nutmeg : 1 small piece  (ek tukro)
• Anistar: 1/2
• Jayatri: 1/2
• Cumin seeds: 1/2 tbsp
• Black pepper : 6-7
• Garam masala powder 1/2 tbsp
• Red chilli powder 1/2 tbsp

Make a dry powder of all the above.

Marinate the mutton (2 hrs) with the masala powder, 1 tbsp of garlic paste, 1 tbsp of onion juice (not paste), 2 tbsp of white oil, 2 tbsp of sour cream.

Cook till meat is tender and layer with rice (as in normal Biryani recipes)

pc: Arijeet Sen

A job and Kumro-patay Chingri paturi

 

Meanwhile the subject of my blog has really grown up.

A proper interview and then a proper part time job !!

I started this blog as a diary to capture my thoughts when A-junior was really small.

So........when the crawling, burping, salivating 'little thing' (who is not so little anymore) called up and said, 'Ma I got the job',  it did trigger a sort of Nirupa-Roy-ish reaction in the mother........

Awwww....where did the years fly? 

O my God, I am growing old!

Haha!

Jokes apart, I am very happy. 

This part time job marks a certain beginning in the journey of life.

Kids in this part of the world start these jobs pretty young. He started with  a newspaper-delivery job when he was 13 and now at 15, this job is a more 'official' one at a super market. 

I really wish I had the chance to do such a job when I was 15. 

At his age I had to study. ...and study and study.  Drowning under the pressure of books and a career goal which was so much embedded in our education and social system that we all ran towards it (almost) blindly. Anything other than studies was considered to be a waste of time.

Engineer or Doctor --- These were the two generic options which most kids were running after at that time.

Nothing really wrong in that, but in the process, all other life skills were totally ignored or underestimated in terms of its impact in building a person's character. 

Degrees and certificates were the primary objectives.

The first thing that these young kids learn in these part time jobs is the 'value' of money.

(A-junior was shocked to see that he could earn only a few euros after delivering newspaper to 300 households! Tough life junior ;-)

The next thing they learn is dignity of labour. Appreciating and respecting any kind of hard work to earn a living is a lesson of life.

The third thing is flexibility. Going out of the family comfort zone is very important for everyone, specially at a young age when the mind is still free from the many biases and rigidities that we adults develop later in life.

The fourth is professionalism ......

....and I can go on and on.

If we as parents, can equip these young people with the right amount of respect, empathy, sincerity and accountability...our job is done.

Degrees and certificates are really the secondary requirements.

Disclaimer:  I also repeat the 'porte bosho, porte bosho' (Study, study) mantra everyday for A-junior. It is embedded in my system. I am an Indian mother.

😀

Kumro-patay Chingri paturi

A few pumpkin seeds carelessly planted in the garden (during the early days of lockdown) really grew into a nice pumpkin tree. 

The first thing a dear friend 'D' said when she saw the leaves was "amar ma chingri paturi banay, try koro" (My mother makes chingri paturi, try).

Once the seed of the Paturi was planted in my head, it was hard not to check the pumpkin tree everyday. I watered the plant, nurtured the leaves with more care and waited patiently, with my taste buds salivating profusely whenever I thought about their destiny. 

The moment I spotted 4-5 nice healthy leaves, I jumped into action.

.....and I have to admit, it was worth all the wait and the effort.

The end product was a pure "Oh! DenHaag" on the plate.

 Nothing less than Nirvana in a packet......

(I am a fan of "Oh!Calcutta", hence the benchmarking nomenclature)

• Clean the leaves well with warm water (the leaves are quite thin, unlike banana leaves, so be careful not to wash too hard)
• Marinate the prawns (no shell) with mustard paste, grated coconut, turmeric, salt, green chilli paste and mustard oil. Set aside for 30 mins.
• Pat dry the leaves with a kitchen cloth.
• Brush the inside of the leaves with a few drops of mustard oil.
• Place 2-3 prawns and a bit of the paste in the middle of the leaf and fold it well.
• Tie it with a thread (washed) and make small packets.
• Steam them for 20 mins.
• Eat with steaming white rice .....(eat the leaves as well).
• Nothing less than Nirvana in a packet.

 

Broccoli-Alur chop - Orebaba

Just the title itself is enough reason for Bengalis all over to world to come together, sign a petition and declare me  "anti-Bengali".

No matter what I write on my Hijibiji Blog, I will not be able to make them smile again. Ever.

I may be demolished from a few social media groups.

I can be taken off the friend's lists.

I can be...........

The verdict can be anything.

....  Broccoli in The Alur chop?  

"Ha Bhogoban, e din dekhar aage tumi amake tule nile na keno?" [Bengali movie style]

We, Bengalis,  are very sensitive , especially about the things which pass through our taste buds into our stomach. 

Usually, we do not tolerate any experiments there.

...Broccoli Alu-r chop??

A crime. 

Period.

However, in my defence, I need to give you the facts, Your Honour.

The menu on the table was NOT Broccoli Alu-r chop! 

It was not planned. 

The menu on the table was steamed carrots and broccoli drizzled generously with garlic olive oil and chilli flakes, grilled crisp zuccinis and roasted chicken. 

.......What happened next at the dinner table yesterday gave rise to the unprecedented recipe today.......

Pleading innocent, Your Honour!

As the carrots and the zuccini and the chicken gradually vanished from the plates, I could already notice a surplus of brocccolis.

No doubt, it was delicious but it was a lot.

We had all eaten a good share. But I was not very keen to put the remaining in the fridge ( a. extra work which I hate b. who do you think will eat leftover steamed broccoli the next day?)

I wanted to push them into the stomachs and succeeded in making two more florets vanish.

..but then A junior put his foot down.

"Ma, please aar Broccoli dio na. I already ate a lot and cannot have any more"

A-senior had the same pleading look in his eyes.

However (pause), he went on to say........"I cannot have a single piece anymore of these steamed broccolis".

Thats it!

That was the point when in my head I started planning the future of these iron-filled green flowers of hope and health!

Fast forward next evening.

Something fried and hot was served....totally unplanned. Brought few smiles....

"Bah besh bhalo hoyeche khete..."  {Good taste !}

"Ma, bhalo laglo khete, arekta debe?"   {Good taste Mom, can I have one more?}

.......and with that the broccolis from last night winked at me happily, passed through the taste buds with flying colours and made their way towards the stomach.

I clenched my fists and did a "YES!!".

[Of course I shared my recipe with A-Senior and Junior!! 😁, after the plates were empty]

I have said enough and will not risk talking explicitly about the "recipe"anymore.

But in short, (whispering) , if you have Broccoli left overs...

Mash the steamed florets with boiled potatoes, add 1 tsp of grated ginger, 1 tsp chopped green chillies, 1 tsp of chopped green coriander and salt.

Make small flat ovals, dip it in a besan batter and fry.

Taste was really nice, Your Honour!

Quick, finish it up before the Bengali community gets to know about it...........

The verdict can be anything.

Lockdown Haircut and Daal-delicacy

Never ever did I imagine that one of my blog titles will have 'lockdown' in it.

Our lives have changed over the last few weeks.

Staying home is saving lives.

Virtual is the new real.

Looking inward is the way forward.

Simplicity has been reinstated.

The Gift of Life is being appreciated again...................

When I started this blog, it was meant to be a diary of A-junior growing up. Small funny interesting anecdotes combined with the cooking and the cameras. But as he grew up, the anecdotes became less cute (;-) and discussing those publicly became a no-no! 

Today's situation is an exception. Totally unprecedented and unexpected. 

So the rules are a bit relaxed.

My hopes with the blog is that one day A-junior will be reading it with his family...and the anecdote will bring a smile to his lips.

After 2 weeks of lockdown when the hair started to cross the ears, the men in the family started to lose their cool and the locked-down-family equilibrium felt at risk.

Both men love their hair short. 

A-Junior has just started to like it bit longer at the top but still wants the sides cropped short.

A-Senior has lost most of it. Still.........

Hair cut is a necessity and part of "essential services' at our place.

So the situation was not very pleasant. The fact that the hair was really growing fast and making life difficult was mentioned multiple times a day. Mood swings became directly proportional to the hair length and had nothing to do with the teenage (or mid life) hormones. 

At some point, A-junior could not take it any longer and wanted to buy a hair-cut-kit. A-senior supported the idea with a lot of enthusiasm.

The kit was ordered online and was delivered at the door step.

So far so good, everything was ok, and then........

I was asked to inaugurate the machine. 

On my son's head! My one and only son,  and his one and only head!

...and I did.

Technically, these machines (am sure many of you use them as well) are quite easy to handle. They have settings on the machine which allows you to cut the hair exactly at a certain length, I have seen it used by the hair dresser ten thousand times.

Looked very simple...just like a lawn mower.......zzrrrrrrrrr....and done.

[A-junior set the mark on the machine and handed it to me].

However, in this case by the time I got the 'feel' of the zzrrrrrrrrr....the damage was already done.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was this big patch of 'nothingness' above the left ear of my son. I immediately realized he had set it at the shortest length and I had used my biceps a little bit more than required. I panicked.

To match the left side, I tried to use the same muscles on the right but nervousness gripped me. (what kind of a mother am I to have caused such damage?). The right side 'nothingness' did not finally match the left side 'nothingness'. I tried to play a bit with the settings and left the top patch quite long, to compensate for the blunders at the sides. 

The head looked like parched land in summer with the mirage of a few oasis here and there.

I also said sorry 50 times ( it was so bad!!).

He was cool and said, "no problem Mom, who cares? we are in lockdown" and with that put on a cap.

After the incident, A-senior's enthusiasm and urgency to get his hair cut suddenly vanished....

He even avoided eye contact for 2 days till he could not bear his long hair anymore.

So today, I did it again.......the result is not very bad. 

It is still parched land but without oasis here and there.

After all, practice makes a (wo)man perfect!

;-)

Corona is making us do strange things.

The two major takeaways for me from this lockdown is Simplicity and Humility.

Whatever we are, Wherever we are, Whoever we are.....

Stay simple, stay humble.

Under the lockdown situation our diet has become simpler. The supermarket visits are  few and we do not hoard a lot of stuff.

One of the most simple (yet diverse) items in our cuisine is Daal.

It is a comfort food for me and  takes very little time to cook.

A few variations can change the taste totally, making each recipe very unique and very tasty.

Let me share a daal  from my kitchen today.

Daal Delicacy-1.: Daal-e-rang-bahar

Cooked with tomatoes and spinach, this moong daal is rich in colour, taste and nutrition.

Ready steady cook:

Dry roast the moong daal till it turns golden brown in colour. Wash and boil together with one large tomato and fresh spinach. Add salt, turmeric and 1/2 tsp sugar.

In a heavy bottom pan, heat ghee. Add a tbsp of whole cumin, 1 bayleaf, 1 dry red chilli, and 1 tbsp of grated ginger.

Fry for a minute and then add the boiled daal.

Have with white rice.

Simple.