Varanasi -- the undefined 'something'

The city has 'something' and I cannot explain exactly what!

A recent visit to the city of Varanasi with my closest friends triggered many thoughts in my mind. Let me share some moments of happiness, nostalgia, and philosophy with you.....

First and foremost, the city has not changed at all. EXACTLY the same as I left it 20 years ago.

Nothing has changed. The people, the shops, the temples, the ghats, the bylanes, the dirt, the heat, the university, the lassi, the Rabri.....everything is the same.

These are the things that make it Varanasi. 

Change one thing from the list and the undefined 'something' may just vanish from the city......

Having said that, I looked at Varanasi through a different pair of lenses this time.

1990s. 

When I first visited the city, I was nineteen. Life was as beautiful as can be with some student struggles only.

On one hand, was the terrible homesickness, on the other was the sweet taste of first freedom.

On one hand, was the longing for Mom's cooked food, on the other was the amazing satisfaction of cooking the almost-edible egg curry in my hostel room.

On one hand, was the budgeting for every glass of lassi that I could afford, on the other was the immense sense of power when the monthly demand draft reached the bank.

On one hand, was the stress of passing the exams, on the other was a simple relaxed carefree life.

On one hand, was the thrill of falling in love, on the other was the uncertainty of what if he....

Life was all about friends, fun...and some studying. Period.

2017. 

This time I saw the city through the eyes of a mature wise woman (age is not only a number!) who has seen some life, felt even more, and has learned to appreciate it.

Every moment spent with the closest of friends, going back to all those places where friendship and love were born, reminded me of how lucky I was. 

Varanasi of 2017 was very different from the Varanasi of 1990s!

The planning started a few months back when a group of friends wanted to go back to their university days, to recreate their carefree life from the '90s. It is here, in this city, that our friendship got sealed forever, and made each other our lifeline. Our Whatsapp group got very busy planning for a few months and finally, we made this trip happen.

With the years, we have all changed (the knee pain, the thyroid, the reading glasses). But the bigger reality is that actually nothing has changed at all. 

Our dynamics remain unchanged, the bond is even stronger!

Where did all the years vanish?

We had visited the Kashi Vishwanatha Temple many times before. All major exams saw us showered and fasting, with folded hands in front of the Almighty (especially Physics paper 3). 

Our young minds had no clue of the real exams coming towards us later in life.

This time it was different. 

This time there was the mature realization that His existence is not bound within the walls of the temple. There are far more meaningful things than the shower and the fast to prove the intent of our prayers. The fear of failing the exams was replaced by a certain confidence of 'done it, seen it, does not matter'. Priorities have changed a lot in these years. The power of faith has also shifted more towards humanity. Real exams of life have also taught us all to see things differently. 

Amazing mind shift! Loved it.

I stand unperturbed.....

Famous bylanes of Varanasi....so narrow yet so lively....

......Ganga Arati..We worship her and also throw garbage into her......

....that undefined 'something'

BHU.  

The University visit was a pleasure. Especially visiting the hostels was laden with nostalgia so strong that at times it even felt that we still lived there. We wanted to recreate every single moment of our college days. 

'Hey room 27, time for dinner'

'Can I borrow your yellow dupatta?'

'Please keep my bucket in front of the shower room'

'D, the TV is not working, can you go up on the roof and turn the antenna?'

'Maharajji, why did you make bread pakora again today?'

'Anyone wants tea?' '

'Please be back before 7, Thapa madam will be screaming..'

'Room number 211, you have a visitor'

The hostels were unusually quiet. It was a weekend but there was no hustle-bustle in the corridors, the front porch was silent, doors to most rooms were closed, no singing from the showers, and not a single girl drying her hair in the sun.....

We peeped into a few rooms. In most of them, the girls were busy with their smartphones or their computers!!! What a change from our times.....

Dear girls, how on earth will you make such life-long friends like us? 

Food was another delightful experience. Back then, as a hosteler, there was a serious constraint on our pockets. Food luxury was limited to once-in-a-while birthday treats which allowed for a bit of extra expenditure. A special lassi or a cold coffee or a chhole bature were the regular affordable delicacies. 

We looked for the same old places. We enjoyed them at that time, and we enjoyed them even more this time. This time it was mixed with memories of best friends, hence food tasted even better. 

One highlight for me was when the cold coffee shop guy (who had been observing us for some time as we waited in the queue to get coffee) at our university VT looked at me and M for a while and said "Maine to aap dono ko pehchaan liya"!  (I recognized both of you!) 

[Please let's not analyze what this means in terms of how much coffee we drank at VT, back then]

;-)

RABDI

CHHOLE BATURE

KULFI

LITTHI CHOKHA

LASSI

Memories are a very important part of our life. Not all memories are happy ones, but even the sad ones make us realize that we are lucky to have survived those times.

Going back to places that hold a lot of memories, both good and bad, can actually rejuvenate life.  

I came back .........appreciating my life even more.

It was not only the company of best friends, there was 'something' more.

Thank you Varanasi, for influencing my life in so many ways with your undefined 'something'.

Look up my friends! Don't miss the Quiche.....

Communication is important. 
It is the key to everything, especially in today's world......

Whether you are complimenting your 4-yr old son on his clean dinner plate, or explaining the 'rules' to your teenage daughter, or giving a 'push back' to your boss at work or asking your mother for her best recipe over phone, or calling customer service to complain about the broken microwave or wishing a belated birthday to your best friend or thanking the husband for the solitaire(??) or...whatever...

Everything is about communication.

Did the message land correctly?

Of late, I have started to think a lot on this topic.

No, nothing to do with age or grey hair or reflections! 
;-)

The question we need to ask:
Are we communicating?

I know, I know....what an absurd question! 
In today's world who is NOT COMMUNICATING?
Everyone is connected! 24/7 !!
But does being technically connected all the time ensure proper communication?
I doubt.

Over the years, the mode of communication has changed a lot. 
With the advent of technology, we have become faster in communication. 
The small device which has become our extended hand (and an integral part of our lives) has made the world a smaller place. 
It is 'smart' and allows us to communicate all the time and with the whole world.

My personal feel is that the smartphone has made communication 'easier and faster' but not necessarily 'better'!

(Totally my personal opinion)

On one hand it is the fun of getting connected to school friends after so many years, on the other, it is the disconnect with a person standing next to you.
One one hand it is the excitement of 'sharing' your vacation photos with people around the world instantly, on the other, it is missing the sunrise with your own eyes!
On one hand it is being more productive doing round-the-clock Skype meetings across the world, on the other, it is missing lunchtime with your favourite colleague!
On one hand it is playing a thrilling game with an unknown online friend, on the other, it is missing the thrill of breaking the neighbour's window in street cricket!
On one hand it is sending emoticons with all possible different expressions, on the other it is missing that one smile which no emoticon can express!
On one hand it is communicating 25 times a day, on the other, it is missing her handwritten 'love you' at the end of the letter.

I am not against any of these technologies. I am an avid user of these technologies myself and I struggle too with the balance.
I feel concerned about their "over use"! or even "ab-use"!

One scary effect I see nowadays is that we have become a lot more indifferent to our surroundings. 
On many occasions, I even feel that we do not care anymore.

How can we care about our surroundings?
We never look up anymore!! (No pun intended)

Whether it is at the airport or the dentist's waiting room or a lovely beach......we all have our heads bent over our phones.
We are apparently communicating!

pc:slideshare.net

I watch my 12-yr old son play with his friend. Both boys end up spending the entire time on their tablets playing online, sitting "side by side" in the same room without uttering a word to each other directly.

Keeping the young ones away from these 'smart' devices is also a struggle for the parents.
A mere 'NO' does not work. 
It has become very important to do something  "together"!
... the art of communicating  'smartly' without using 'smart' devices....
;-)

Time for some food now. Lets cook together.

Quiche Lorraine

A-junior loves to cook. He wanted to buy a cookbook (yet another!)last week.
....we never say 'NO' to books.
Hence the book was bought and put to use immediately.
The plan (at this moment)  is to cook atleast one recipe from the book every week. 

Yesterday we made Quiche.
I loved the Quiche. 
I could 'smartly communicate' some Broccoli florets into the original recipe and it kept the boy happily away from his 'smart' devices for 2 hours.
;-)

Although quiche is now a classic dish of French cuisine, quiche actually originated in Germany, in the medieval kingdom of Lothringen, under German rule, and which the French later renamed Lorraine. The word ‘quiche’ is from the German ‘Kuchen’, meaning cake. The original ‘quiche Lorraine’ was an open pie with a filling consisting of an egg and cream custard with smoked bacon. It was only later that cheese was added to the quiche Lorraine. [from the net]

For the dough:

• All purpose flour: 200 gms
• Salted butter: 100 gms
• cold water

For the filling:

• Butter: 15 gms
• Onion :  1 (finely chopped)
• Bacon cubes :  100 gms
• Broccoli:  small florets ( the mother's addition)
• Cheese : 60 gms (grated)
• Eggs : 2 
• Cooking cream : 200 ml
• Salt, black pepper : to taste

Ready steady cook:

Mix the flour and the butter with both your hands (to make it crumbly)
Apparently this step was really enjoyable according to A-junior...
Use cold water to make it into a tight dough. Preheat the over to 200 degC .
Roll out the dough into a large round shape and carefully place it on a ovenproof dish in such a way that it covers the sides as well. Press gently into the corners and cut off excess dough over the sides. Set it in the refrigerator till you use it.
Make it smile too.........

In a frying pan, heat the butter and add the onions. Cook for 2 mins.
Add the bacon and saute for a while till they are crisp and golden brown. Add the broccoli florets (keep saying how beautiful the green looks and what a fantastic idea it was to add them to the original recipe).
Add  black pepper and salt. Careful with the salt, bacon has a lot of salt already.

First bake the Quiche form in the oven for 10 mins till it turns a very light brown.
Take it out from the oven, pour in the filling and spread it evenly.
Add the grated cheese, the whipped eggs and the cream.
Bake it again at 190 degC for 20-25 mins, till it is golden brown.

Enjoy !!

The X-files with X-cellent Paturi

Some things never change.

"x" --Still as unknown as it was so many years ago.

No change.

pc: brilliant.org

Since last month, Algebra has come back into my life and with that, the "unknown x" has brought back memories from the depth of my childhood.

The pain, the struggle, the tears, the exams, the marks, the ......

One scene came back so vividly that it felt like 'just the other day".

[Present - Mom is sitting with A-junior and Algebra]

But Ma, why is the 'x' not known?

But Ma, why do we have 'a' here and not 'x'?

But Ma, you just said that x is not known.

But Ma, my teacher said that you have to write it on the left of the line....

[Flash back]

A small town in India. Durgapur. Evening time.

A father and his daughter are sitting on the bed. Algebra books scattered all around. 

Algebra & Geometry had just started at school.

Her face is scared and helpless. She is not very sure that she understands it all. She described her problem to her father, who had just returned from work.

He said, 'No worries, let me help you with the basics, it is not that hard...."

Little did he know what was coming...

Please note that the father has a patience level of infinity (Really!). He is one of the 'coolest' dads I have seen.

The daughter was not exactly a class topper but not a very dumb student either. So the session started with a basic hope that with her intelligence and his patience they will nail it.

The first few minutes were spent in turning the pages of the Algebra book and trying to figure out where to start, how to start. 

I told you, he is a very patient man.

"Dekhi kon chapter porache.."[show me which chapter they are teaching at school]
So far so good.

He begins, "Let the unknown be 'x' ".

Daughter: Why is it always 'x' ? Not other alphabets? Who chose that?

Father: It can be anything..any unknown. But for this sum let us assume it is 'x'.

Daughter:  [fidgets, not convinced.] : But if it can be anything why do you call it 'x'?

Father: It is not me calling it 'x', in general we all call it 'x'. But once the concept is clear, you can call it anything...

Daughter: Ok, if you say so...but it is not very clear.

[This went on and on and on and on for sometime]

Father (showing first flicker of irritation but still immensely cool): First try to understand the basics, we can call it whatever later, x, y, z, hathi, ghonra, pompi, tiklu......anything!

[hathi = elephant, ghora=horse, pompi,tiklu=our pet names]

He continued to explain.

She tried to understand but her nagging confusion with 'x' continued.  (don't you smile!)

At some point, even the infinitely-patient father could not take it anymore.

I clearly remember the scene.

I had tears in my eyes. I just could not handle x and its 'unknown-ness'.

He did not scold at all. Not a single angry word but surely a massive patience failure.

He (very cool, as if he had all the time in the world) took my book, my copy, my geometry box, the ruler, the rough book, piled them all together into one bunch, paused for a moment and just threw the whole bunch out of the window. 

Whoooossshhhhhhh.....They flew out like a frisbee and landed somewhere in the garden with a thud!

I kept on looking with tears in my eyes.

He said, "Ja, tor dara konodin Algebra hobe na' [You can never do Algebra]!!!

After a few sobs, I went out to look for my books and my father went out to get some Rosogolla for me.
Thankfully his prediction about my Algebra-future did not come true. Phew....

[Present - Mom is sitting with A-junior and Algebra]

Mom: First try to understand the basics, we can call it whatever later, x, y, z, hathi, ghonra, arno, ......anything!

;-)

Yes, we need to eat after such an Algebra session.

Paturi:

Paturi or 'Macher Paturi' is a very traditional Bengali dish. 

It is fish (marinated in Mustard paste and oil) wrapped in banana leaves and steamed. It goes best with plain steaming white rice. The taste is that of 'a piece of heaven in your mouth'. 
Algebra comes nowhere near to it...

Ingredients:  

• Fish fillet :  2 large (I used Sea baas)
• Mustard paste : 5 large teaspoonful
• Grated coconut: 2 large spoonful (Optional)
• Green chili: 4 (sliced)
• Salt, turmeric and mustard oil
• Banana leaves (for wrapping)
• Cocktail sticks

Ready steady go: 

• In a bowl mix the mustard paste, the grated coconut and 3 tbsp mustard oil, salt and turmeric.
• Take a banana leaf, clean it properly and then in the center put one tbsp of the paste.

• Clean and pat dry the fish with a dry kitchen towel. Place it on the paste on the leaf and nicely cover it with another tbsp of the paste. Drizzle few drops of mustard oil and some sliced green chillis on top.
• Carefully fold the leaf and pin it with a cocktail stick 

• Keep in the fridge for one hour.
• Take a nonstick pan and put just a few drops of mustard oil on it.  When the oil is hot, place the wrapped packets in the pan (one layer only). Reduce heat to a minimum and cover. Cook for 6-7 mins and then turn the paturi. Cook for another 5 minutes. The banana leaf should slightly turn brown. [It is also possible to cook in the oven]

• Serve with steaming hot white rice.
• Open the packs and enjoy the "piece of heaven in your mouth". I was so happy that I forgot to take a photo after opening it......

Fishy but 'heavenly'....

Life is currently hectic and 86400 secs per day are just not enough.
On top of everything else, there is the high school!

Not that I have to do much (or can do much because it is all in Dutch), but a bit of support (read push) here and there is necessary and am trying to do that. Yes, Indian mother!
Tough!

Never ever did I imagine, even in my wildest dreams that there will come a time in my life when I would need to read Biology in Dutch.

Our simple 'involuntary muscles' are called 'onwillekeurige spieren', can you believe it?

..and 'metamorphosis is ...gedaanteverwisseling!!!  

You get my struggle?

Yesterday, A-junior came back from school and mentioned that he had homework in Levensbeschouwing. This is a subject which is a mix of Philosophy, Moral science, Sociology......

So, nothing black and white, no formulas! 

One needs to think. One needs to ponder. One needs to scratch his head (or beard).
...even if he is a 12-yr old.

I asked what the homework was (brave me!).

He said, he has to write a page on what he hopes 'heaven' and 'hell' would be like.
Now, THAT is quite a question!

The enthusiastic mother immediately went into her 'support' mode and thought that a bit of dialogue may help the son with the thinking........

Mom: So what do you expect to be better in heaven?

"The Wi-fi connection" came the prompt answer!

My hopes of hearing 'people not telling lies, not being unkind to each other, loving everyone, etc" went down the drain........but I could not stop laughing.

O Father In Heaven, please do think about your wi-fi connection..priorities are fast changing down on Earth.

The definition of 'heaven' may have changed without your approval.
You better take some relevant steps to retain the "heaven" status!

With a wicked grin, A-junior went upstairs while the mother wondered what really will fill up that homework page.

She did not forget to take a sneak peek at the homework later.

He had put nice things in. I relaxed.
But somewhere deep down I wished he had put in the Wi-fi thing as well.  
....so that the teacher could have a laugh too....

While on the topic of heaven, I do hope they have fish-chops there. Ones which are rich in taste, deep fried but do not add to your waistline (I know, if in heaven already, who cares about waistline anyway?)

Heavenly Fish chops

Ingredients:

1. Fish : 4 fillet (I took Panga)
2. Potatoes: 1 (Boiled)
3. Onions chopped:  1 cup
4. Garlic Ginger paste: 2 tbsp
5. Coriander (chopped): 1 cup
6. Green chillis (chopped): 2 tbsp
7. Red chilli powder
8. Egg: 1
9. Bread crumbs

Ready steady cook:

• Boil the fish for 5 mins (take care that it does not become flaky)
• Mash it together with all the other ingredients. Add salt to taste.
• Roll them into balls, dip them in egg and roll them in bread crumbs.
• Now comes the bad news! Yes..they need to be deep fried!!!
• So keep aside your weighing machine, your gym instructor's phone number and your conscience!!
• Eat them...

Heaven cannot be better than this................my belief!

'Time'ly Tomato Temptation

Photo credits: 123rf.com

Only busy people have time.

A few years back I would have laughed at this. 
Today, I strongly believe in it.

This post about "time" was actually triggered by the information evening for parents at the school of A-junior.

Yes, he has moved on to high school and I have stopped writing about him on my blog (ya ya, privacy, teenager, moustache etc etc ). So this post is not about him.

;-)

The information evening set up by the school started at 8:30 PM. We, parents, (still a bit flustered at the idea of our children moving on to high school) sat there with flushed faces and nervous nods trying to figure out our role in the meeting. We missed the familiar faces that we were used to for the last eight years of elementary school. Here, in Holland, a massive segregation happens when the child finishes elementary school. Each child, based on his/her scores, is assigned to different levels of education and hence different high schools. Everything was so new, it was like starting all over again....

After the generic welcome speeches, we were led to the individual classes for more 'in-depth' information.

Believe me....LOTS of information.

Out of the whole lot, the thing that really caught my attention was the emphasis put on the use of an "agenda".

Even though the school has all sorts of apps to capture homework, routine, holidays etc online, a lot of importance was put on how the child should start learning the use of an agenda. It is absolutely mandatory for the students to have a hard bound agenda in their school bag. 
There is nothing new in the concept because I also grew up with a 'school diary' where we were supposed to note down our homework and our class routine.
However, the emphasis put on its use was absolutely new (compared to my times).
In between almost every sentence, the mentor mentioned the agenda and how important it is for the child to use it ..all the time!
"This is their first step towards learning the real meaning of 'responsibility' - how to 'plan' their own life". 
I realized, even though I had looked at my agenda for daily class routine and homework, I was never taught to 'plan' my school life. My diary (or agenda) did not teach me the 'value' of time. My agenda did not make ME responsible for planning, it just carried the information from others which I needed to follow.

This innocent agenda in my son's school bag made me think a lot. 

Respecting time is a concept, a mindset , a way of life. I learnt it much later in life. 

Here children learn it much earlier. The agenda is much more than the few pages of scribbles it appears to be. The high importance given to an agenda teaches a kid from a very early age;

• The importance of planning
• The importance of "me" time
• The importance of other's time and respecting it

During my initial days in Japan, I had even joked about the "agenda-culture". I found it quite funny when every small appointment found a place in the agenda, whether it was a coffee or a visit to the museum. I almost boasted of my 'Indian spontaneity" where we go with the flow and are not controlled by a mere agenda.  Within a few days, I quickly learned that an individual (and the society) can develop only when it starts to respect time.

I immediately bought a beautiful leather-bound agenda! -- never missed a single appointment after that ..and all ON TIME. (Let me tell you ON TIME in Japan meant something at a different level, which, for this poor Indian, was a culture shock!)

I also learned that having an agenda does not necessarily mean losing the 'spontaneity' I am so proud of.
"Being on time" really means that you know the importance of planning, the importance of your own 'me' time and the importance of respecting other's time.

When a child of eleven puts down "15:30 - 16:00 practice guitar, 16:30 -17:30: Screen time 19:00-20:00 doing homework" in his agenda , he is actually forced to think about time. He is 'taught' to pay attention to his me-time (in this case the screen) as well as plan his homework time. I agree, some parts of the agenda can be 'forced' by the mother, but that is another topic altogether (which we will not elaborate here ;-)). 
The mother also 'allows' the child to shuffle the sequence of activities if required, and adds a dialogue like "now that you are grown up, you are responsible enough to know which to do when, I completely leave that part to YOU". This pleases the (growing) child with a feeling of "I can make my own decisions" but also puts him in a' responsible planning' mode.
...may sound preplanned and manipulative ...
[note: I have no problem with being a manipulative mother!]
;-)

O my God! look at the time! I need to cook now. 
De-stress from all the time related learnings......
Breathe in, breathe out and cook!
Need to "be on time".

Tomato temptation

This recipe is too simple yet too beautiful...and healthy on top of that!!

Ingredients:

1. Tomatoes (not too ripe) : 6 
2. Eggs
3. Onions chopped
4. Garlic chopped
5. Coriander (chopped)
6. Green chillis (chopped)
7. Parmesan cheese

Ready steady cook:

• Cut the tomatoes in half and place them in a greased oven plate (Tip: Cut a small piece out of the tomato in such a way that it gets a flat bottom to stand firmly on the plate)
• Saute the garlic, onion and chillis. Add salt and black pepper. Also mix the fresh coriander. Put a spoonfull of this mixture in each tomato [Optional: I also used some orange paprika in the mix]
• Pour an egg into each tomato. (Tip: if it is too much, put the egg yolk and a bit of the egg white)
• Sprinkle some parmesan cheese and some black pepper on top
• Bake in a preheated oven for 20 mins ( 180 degC)
• Serve as a side dish (we served it with Shepherd's pie)